INTRODUCTION

No one ever became accomplished at anything in isolation. We all learn by observation, the “monkey see monkey do” saying applies to us as well. To become an accomplished conversationalist you will need practice. Reading books and taking in audio and video instruction will only take you so far. You could read all the books and watch a bunch of YouTube videos about dentistry but that won`t make you a dentist.

Get out there, get social, and attend work gatherings and community events. Use applications such as Eventbrite and MeetUp to find events in your area that you would be interested in. While there do some careful observation of the people there who seem to be at ease chatting with those in the room.
Watch and listen to not only what they say but how they say it. Observe their body language and facial expressions. All of the things they are saying and doing will inform you as to how to create your own personal style.

The following 10 Tips will give you some technique to add to your personal style. There is no substitute for being authentic. The goal of this exercise is not to make you into something you are not. Think of your personality as a gift, and these techniques are simply a new way to wrap that gift to make it more appealing to everyone you meet.

Just like you shouldn’t go swimming alone don`t try to improve your conversational skills alone. First of all that`s just plain weird and second of all it`s no fun. Pick a buddy at work or a neighbor friend that you think is a good conversationalist, and try spending more time with them and learn by engaging with them and adopting the parts of their style you like. Consider what about them stands out why you like chatting with them. Let them know you appreciate their skill and that you would like to emulate them, most people will find this flattering, it`s also a key to the next tip!

Ironically most people I coach complain “I`m just not interesting enough who would want to talk to me.” I say ironically because the truth is no one wants to talk to someone who is always talking about themselves. Think about it this way, do you think it’s weird when someone approaches you at a social or networking event introduces themselves and shows an interest in you? If not then you shouldn’t feel weird initiating the conversation.

Conversation is a little like a friendly game of tennis you want the ball to go back and forth at a nice pace. Many so called experts will advise keeping the ball in the other person’s court by asking numerous open ended questions. In my opinion that is contrived and unnatural and easy to spot. If you can’t be genuinely interested in the other person you are talking to then why are you?

I was watching a video of these potters as they were sculpting beautiful clay vases. They were so calm and sure of there every motion and it seemed effortless, it made me think, I could do that! Now of course every artist or expert in their field makes it look easy. That is of course because they have put in countless hours perfecting their craft or trade. What is the equivalent when it comes to “small talk” or impromptu speaking?

If you are attending a work or networking function here are some ways to prepare;

• What’s going on at work?
• What’s hot regarding the industry? • Who is making news? (industry or office)
• Big upcoming events.
• Current industry trends.
• Controversial industry figures.

A good conversationalist engages the listener and stimulates the conversation. In order to do so we should keep up with trends and current events so you’ll have something to talk about. Take a keen interest in others, but also live an interesting life of your own. Try new things. Accept unusual invitations. Volunteer for causes that interest you. Go back to school. Read. Meet new challenges, and then share your experiences within social circles.

If a picture tells a thousand words then body language tells ten thousand! Experts agree that what we say accounts for as little as 10% of the message we convey when speaking to others. The rest is mostly transmitted through body language.
If you don’t agree try watching a foreign movie with the sound off and only reading the subtitles. Then turn the sound up and watch. Even though you don’t understand the language you will interpret the meaning through the tone of voice.

Here are some basic body language tips. Face the speaker with unfolded arms. Lean forward slightly, if you are seated. Make eye contact, but don’t stare. Acknowledge statements with a nod, comment or question when appropriate, don’t be robotic.

One of the easiest ways to make people feel comfortable with us is to find common ground. You can help the conversation along by phrasing your comments in the broadest possible way and painting vivid pictures that most people can relate to.

For example;
Q; Where are you from? A; Montreal (not so good)

Q; Where are you from? A; I live with my wife and kids in the beautiful town of Montreal, have you ever visited Montreal?

You see how the latter response opens the door for lots of common ground to be established. You have opened up a little about yourself and the other party can chose to talk about family or travel.

If all of this makes you feel a little awkward and you find yourself saying that this all seems to fake. Think about it this way. Your personality is like a precious gift. Developing you conversational style and approach is like putting a fine wrapping around your personality. It doesn’t change who you are it simply makes your gift that much more appealing to those you present it to.